A Brighter Future Together
Raising children isn’t easy and there is no one set path. The Manning family called the Crisis Intervention Team because they felt like they had reached a brick wall with their son, Blake. “Blake was becoming increasing aggressive, Mrs. Manning explained. “If I said go right he went left. Forward was backward and up was down. His dad wasn’t having any better luck. Blake was deliberately being disobedient; he refused to follow my directions and would just sit down on the floor and refuse to move. He just didn’t care about anything anymore.”

The Director of Crisis Intervention suggested an approach called tag team parenting. One at a time, the family dealt with the individual problems at hand. Eventually, two goals were identified. Goal #1 encouraged Blake to self-regulate his emotions. Goal #2 enabled him to express his emotions.

The Crisis Intervention team continued to work with the Mannings to help them utilize their own “emotion language.”  The Crisis Intervention Specialist helped the Mannings through many exercises to improve communication skills.  They told the family to imagine a traffic light.  The different colors were a barometer of feelings. Red, yellow, and green soon became code words for each person’s mood depending on the circumstances. One day, Mr. Manning and Blake were driving when another driver cut them off.  Blake turned to his father and said, “Dad, I think maybe you are a red right now.” Mr. Manning knew then that Blake had successfully internalized a communication tool!

Within just a few weeks everyone noticed the incredible progress. Mom and Dad felt like they were on the same page with their parenting techniques. Blake was communicating his emotions more appropriately. Together, less stress meant more green smiles and a brighter future.

Whatever it takes!
After charges of abuse and neglect were brought against her mother, young Angel found herself in the foster care system. Angel’s father was incarcerated. Angel longed to be with someone she knew and loved.

The 30 Days to Family™ team received Angel’s referral and got busy. Angel mentioned an aunt that she felt especially close to. Her aunt, Diana, had visited Angela frequently.  Kelly Sullivan, 30 Days to Family™ Specialist, contacted Angel’s aunt in the hopes that she would take Angel in. Diana’s apartment was small, and only had one bedroom.  But Diana put Angela first, giving up her own bedroom, and sleeping on the couch so that Angel could have a bed of her own. “I would do whatever it takes,” she said.

For a while, Diana was the perfect fit for 12-year-old Angel. The only problem was that Diana worked occasional evenings and Angel needed additional supervision. Kelly Sullivan began calling and knocking on doors. She searched for more relatives and refused to give up until two other family members were found. Angel’s cousin and paternal grandmother agreed to supervise Angel when Aunt Diana was working. Thanks to the 30 Days to Family™ team, Angel is now with people she knows and loves.

Brothers and Sisters Together Forever!
Imagine being separated from your siblings and only seeing them once a month for an hour visit.  This was the case for five siblings whose mother had severe substance abuse problems and was not able to care for her children. There were four different fathers, all unable to parent.

There had to be a way to bring these brothers and sisters together forever!  The Extreme Recruitment® team got busy.  The team investigator knocked on doors.  The Extreme Recruiter contacted case managers.  Phone call after phone call was made while team members combed the internet looking for relatives.  To help look for a forever family, KSDK NewsChannel 5 featured the siblings on “A Place to Call Home.”  Finally, after starting with only five known relatives, the children’s family tree grew to include 105 family members!

A great aunt hosted a family meeting to bring relatives together to find a solution. Extended cousins, nieces, and nephews came forward.  Two second cousins said that they wanted to adopt the children!  One adopted the oldest two, ages 13 and 11.  The other cousin began pre-adoptive visits for the youngest three, ages 5, 9, and 10. 

These kids are excited to start the next chapter of their lives with loving family and many supportive family connections. Thanks to the Coalition’s groundbreaking adoption programs, the children are now surrounded by family who have made a permanent commitment to their future and a permanent promise of love.

Becoming a Family All Over Again
Mr. and Mrs. Blain loved their two grandsons very much but were at their wits end as to how to cope with their uncontrollable behavior. Rashan, 12, had already been in trouble with the law and his younger brother, Radd, 10, was just released from a psychiatric treatment at a nearby hospital.

Struggling with financial pressures, poor coping skills, and little outside help, the elderly couple had numerous police visits to their house. The grandsons even tried to set the family home on fire.

Rashan and Radd expressed verbal threats against their grandparents, used inappropriate language, and threatened to do physical harm to anyone that disagreed with them. The situation was escalating out of control. Mr. and Mrs. Blain were certain the only answer to their problems was for the boys to be placed outside the family home; until they called the Foster & Adoptive Care Coalition. 

“This was one of the most challenging yet rewarding cases I have ever worked with,” Joshua Fantroy, Crisis Intervention Specialist explained.  Since working with Joshua, the Blain family is better able to communicate their thoughts and feelings with non-threatening language. Rashan said he felt like his family was really listening. By improving her communication and parenting skills, Mrs. Blain was able to learn and practice “not taking the bait” from her grandsons, resulting in a reduction in family conflicts and control battles. 

Joshua was also able to partner with the family to develop their own team of experts to support the family long term. Juvenile officers, social workers, mental health counselors, a psychiatrist, a parent aide, and an educational advocate are now working with the family to address issues like racial prejudice, parental abandonment, aggression, low self esteem, academics, and classroom behavior. 

Together the family began participating in free events like library visits and Friday night card games. It wasn’t easy, but the home has become more peaceful. “Now”, Joshua says with a big smile, “It’s like they have become a family all over again. Their bonds are stronger than they ever were.”

No Matter What Your Age Is, You Still Want a Family
Julius was beaming ear to ear and looked like the weight of the world had been lifted as he reached down to take his 1-year-old son’s hand. He remembered holding his own father’s hand but it had been many years ago.  Recently forced to move out of his mother’s house after several violent outbursts, Julius moved with his young son and girlfriend into a friend’s home.

The move did not help his emotional outlook and soon his depression deepened. Julius attempted suicide.  During his recovery stay, the hospital contacted social services and because he was only 17 he entered foster care.
“We were determined to find this young man a home with relatives,” said Cisely Beard, 30 Days to Family™ Specialist.

Julius could not be safely placed with his mother or father.  Soon, however, 30 Days to Family™ found a maternal second cousin and Julius moved in. “We located 158 relatives and it turned out that this cousin was very supportive of Julius and his challenges,” Beard explained.  “He now has a strong advocate on his behalf.”

Julius is enrolled in a GED program and expects to graduate soon. He and the mother of his son are working to become better parents. Now that Julius has a stable home of his own, he looks forward to the future.
“Sometimes all it takes is thinking outside the box,” Beard said. “We don’t give up until we have exhausted all possibilities.  No matter what your age, you still want a family.”

Extreme Recruitment® and 30 Days to Family™ Goes to Canada
What do St. Louis and Toronto have in common?   Social service professionals in both cities are committed to finding permanent homes for children in foster care.  Recently Gayle Flavin, Director of Training & Implementation, Extreme Recruitment®, and Barbara Kane, Director of Program Outcomes, traveled to Toronto and North Bay, Canada, to explain the success of the Foster & Adoptive Care Coalition’s core philosophy, For Every Child... A Place to Call Home.

Two programs in particular were highlighted, Extreme Recruitment® and 30 Days to Family™.  "Extreme Recruitment is the concentrated search to find homes for the hardest to place children and can be implemented anywhere," Flavin explained.  “Only the specific procedures might differ depending on the location.”  The second program, 30 Days to Family™, finds safe, appropriate relative placements for children entering foster care within the first 30 days.

The Canadian attendees were eager to learn about and implement these successful programs.  “Canada’s privacy laws and Toronto’s international climate differ somewhat from our area,” Kane said.  “Still, they were quick to apply our program models to theirs.”

North Bay, Canada, the second stop for Kane and Flavin, is a more rural setting with a significant Aboriginal population.  Professionals from the area seemed especially interested in finding relatives for children in foster care.  “They can’t believe the number of family members we are able to locate!” Kane exclaimed.

Each country, each area, has its own particular challenges when addressing the needs of children.  No matter where they are located, children in foster care are looking for A Place to Call Home. The staff of Foster & Adoptive Care Coalition is ready to help wherever and however they can.

“Tyler’s situation shows the power of never giving up,” Joshua Fantroy, Crisis Intervention Specialist, explained.  “He has a grandmother who loves and adopted him, and a father who wants to be part of his life.  He just needed a little help.” 

Tyler’s grandmother took him in when he was no longer able to live with his parents.  His mother’s drug use and his father’s inability to provide financially meant he could no longer stay with them.

Tyler’s grandmother was clearly at the end of her rope, telling Joshua, “He skips school, sent an inappropriate email to a teacher, and stays out all night!”
Realizing that Tyler needed some direction and accountability, the Crisis Intervention Team started with a referral to a Deputy Juvenile Officer.  Tyler’s use of marijuana, his truancy from school, and breaking curfew were not acceptable.  Tricia Taddeucci, Educational Advocate of the Crisis Team, developed an individualized education plan.  Tyler went from having suspensions in school to actually obtaining credits for graduation.  Finally, connections with a mental health provider were made and the whole family benefitted.

“I thought I was losing my mind,” grandma said, “but now I feel in control.  Joshua helped steer us toward the resources we needed.”

Now grandma and Tyler seem to be able to communicate more effectively, Joshua said.  “They have acquired better coping skills.  We are happy we could be the sounding board Tyler and the rest of his family needed.”

“There is no place like home, especially when you are with family!”  Dion exclaimed.  Settling in, he is grateful to be with his maternal grandfather.

After bouncing from place to place, Dion, 15, and his mother were separated in 2009 when she entered the prison system for selling drugs.  His father was already serving an extended prison term.  Dion wasn’t sure where he would go, but a judge ordered him to live with his great-aunt after he got in trouble attempting to steal a car.  Dion lost his home again when his great-aunt could no longer live on her own and moved in with her sister.  Her sister did not feel she could handle Dion, so he moved to a family friend’s house.

With each move Dion’s behavior became more defiant.  Trouble at school, property damage, and stealing eventually became too much for his family friends to handle, and Dion was placed into the foster care system.
When 30 Days to Family™ was called in to help, Anne Jozwik and her team began immediately to search for an acceptable relative with whom Dion could live.

“We were determined to find this child a more permanent home, Jozwik explained.  “We traveled as far away as Cape Girardeau to search for a suitable placement.”

In fact, it took Anne and her team only eight days to find a relative.  Grateful to be living with his family again, especially his grandfather, Dion also likes that he did not have to leave the local area.  Dion’s grandfather, Morris, wholeheartedly agrees.

Names She'll Never Forget
Many of us can’t even name our third cousin let alone our fourth, but Bria, born prematurely at 5 months, can.  When Bria's young mother gave birth to her she was addicted to heroin.  Unfortunately, many of Bria's relatives were also using illegal drugs.  After being released from an extended hospital stay due to low birth weight and medical issues, Bria was placed in foster care. 

While her biological mother could no longer care for her, she still wanted to find her new daughter a good home.  Turning to the 30 Days to Family^TM Program for help, she and Coordinator Melanie Ohmes started talking. Armed with new information, Ohmes and her team began a family tree that eventually found 282 known relatives. They carefully researched everyone and each family unit.  Finally, they found a good match with Bria's fourth cousin on her mother’s side.

“If we had just discounted the mother’s willingness to help, Bria would never have found a home with relatives,” Ohmes explained.  “You always go to the family first.  These children’s families are the most important resources we have.”  Dionna, Bria’s fourth cousin, has the resources and time to take care of her even with her special medical needs.  And now, Bria has found a home with relatives whose names she’ll never forget.

No Relative Left Out
Allie was Donna’s fourth child, born only weighing one pound, three ounces.  Her first three children no longer lived with her or their father, who was in prison.  Having struggled with drugs for 14 years, Donna had her parental rights terminated and Allie was put into foster care.

Committed to finding a home for Allie, Melanie Ohmes, Coordinator for 30 Days to Family, started searching.  “Many times family members are more committed to changing their lives around to fit the child.  Foster parents, because of their own family needs, tend to find a child who will fit within the existing family structure,” Ohmes explained.
Because young Allie was medically frail and couldn’t be around other children, Ohmes knew finding the perfect fit would be a challenge.   At first, the more than 150 family members that Ohmes and her team researched didn’t seem to be good matches.   It was only after Ohmes checked and rechecked information on the paternal grandmother that a suitable home was found.   The paternal grandmother had been overlooked and discounted.  Originally, it was thought her medical conditions were too severe.  But, after reviewing her medical history, Ohmes verified that she was not too ill to take care of Allie.  In fact, she was a perfect match to provide a home for her granddaughter.  It was Ohmes and her team’s diligent follow up that made sure no relative was left out.

“There are almost always family members who will take these kids.  They don’t need to be in another family.  They have their own families, we just need to find them,” Ohmes said.  Allie, now eight months old is living with her grandmother and thriving.

The Power of a Forever Family
For three years, sisters Jada, Jasmine, and Jayla lived in three foster homes.  They desperately wanted to live together.  When Gayle Flavin, Extreme Recruiter, began this case, there were just six known relatives.  Determined to find a forever family for these girls, Gayle and the ER team got busy.

Normally, it can take up to 24 months to find an adoptive family for a child, especially those considered hard-to-place: older youth, sibling groups, and youth with emotional, developmental, or behavioral concerns.  The goal of Extreme Recruitment is to do this work in just 12 to 20 weeks!

Within weeks, Gayle found 146 relatives of these sisters!  The next challenge – identifying the perfect forever family!  Who of these relatives would have the space and the ability to care for these girls – together?  The Extreme Recruitment team began reconnecting the girls with grandparents and cousins.  Soon, a cousin was found who was eager to adopt the girls.  “If I had known they were in foster care, I would have given them a home immediately!  I’m so happy and know that the girls will be too!”

After getting to know their cousin, the girls have moved into their new home and the adoption should be finalized in the Spring.  Jada marvels at the resemblance between herself and a close cousin.  Not only did she find a family with her two sisters, she also has a new best friend.

Brittany Now Looks Forward to Her Future!
Feeling a deep loss and separation from her parents, Brittany's pain was multiplied. Having been abused as a young child, Brittany's world brightened when her grandmother adopted her.  Gone was the craziness of her past home life.  Circumstances changed when her grandmother died.

Donna, a dear family friend, adopted Brittany and she began her life with her third mother.  This time, however, wasn't as easy.  She began failing school, fighting with Donna, and leaving home in the middle of the night.  Donna also struggled with significant health issues and began fearing the worst.  Desperate to keep her new family intact, Donna called the Coalition's Crisis Intervention Program.  Thanks to the Crisis Intervention Team, Brittany no longer leaves the house without permission, speaks respectfully to her mother, and has joined a club at school.  They now see a family therapist from the Family Support Network and Brittany visits with a therapeutic mentor.  Donna can't believe the incredible changes that have occured thanks to the Crisis Intervention Team.  "I don't know what we would have done without you," she said.  Brittany is finally starting to put the past behind her.  She looks forward to her future with her family.

Hayden Found His Grandmother!
When 4-year-old Hayden's mother was arrested and unable to care for him, he came into a foster home. When 30 Days to Family became involved, there were only five known relatives.

Through interviews with family members, public record and internet searches, and good old-fashioned door knocking, a total of 277 of Hayden's relatives and kin were identified and mapped out for him on his family tree! 30 Days to Family identified three potential family members willing to care for Hayden within two weeks of becoming involved in his case.  Another break in the case soon came when the Coalition's special investigator tracked down Hayden's long-lost paternal grandmother, Dina.  

Dina cried tears of joy to learn about the grandchild she never knew she had. She said, "Of course I want my grandbaby! I will love him and take care of him as if I've known him since the day he was born!"  Dina will begin the process of getting to know a brand new addition to her family soon!

Joey has Someone Who Cares!
The first time he came into foster care Joey was 4 years old.  Now 15, Joey entered foster care in March for the 4th time.

On March 30th, our 30 Days to Family staffer received the case and met with Joey.  He was gentle but wistful, saying, “I just want to live with someone who cares."

With that, we hit the ground running.  On the 1st day, our 30 Days to Family staffer built the family tree from 4 to 13 relatives.  Soon it was up to 64!

The big break came on the 6th day when we found an aunt who was a licensed foster parent.  Once we told her that her nephew was in foster care again, she said, “I want him come to me right now!”

Now living with his aunt, Joey was a completely different kid than the one we met 14 days ago; he was full of hope.

Preparing to close the case, we asked Joey if there was anything else we could do for him.  Joey said, “Well, I would really like to see Mr. Jackson.”

We learned that Mr. Jackson, a local entrepreneur, was Joey’s mentor when he was younger.  Now reunited, Joey and Mr. Jackson play basketball together every week.  Mr. Jackson has even offered to pay his high school tuition, saying “I’m excited to take Joey back under my wing and guide him in the right direction!”

Now, with his aunt and his mentor in his life, Joey knows that someone cares!

Charles (12) and Brenda (13) moved in with their grandmother, Hazel, after their parents died.  As they struggled with their loss, their behavior began spiraling out of control.  Brenda was depressed and constantly worried.  Charles was bullied at school, disruptive, and acting out.  To make matters worse, Hazel’s health took a turn for the worse.  She began to lose hope for keeping her family together.

The family was referred the Coalition’s 24-Hour Crisis Intervention Program.  A Crisis Intervention Specialist worked with Hazel, Charles, and Brenda for six weeks, visiting their home regularly to identify problems, develop goals, and construct a behavior plan.  She also worked with their therapist to ensure the services aligned with the family’s therapy. 

In a few short months, the family began communicating more effectively.  Hazel gained realistic expectations and began setting consistent rules.  “Our Family Intervention Specialist taught us balance,” said Hazel. “The kids loved the way she interacted with them.   I was pleased that they opened up so easily.”  Hazel explored her grandchildren’s interests and focused on meeting their needs.  Brenda and Charles began following rules and listening.  Brenda is happier, and Charles’ successes far outweigh his struggles.  His behavior improved, he is overcoming the bullying, and is doing better academically.

The Coalition offers 24-Hour access to Crisis Intervention for pre- and post- guardianship/adoptive families in St. Louis County. To make a referral, contact Dawn Milburn, Lead Family Intervention Specialist at 314.367.8373.

Before 12-year-old Dierra was fortunate enough to have her case referred to Extreme Recruitment, her future looked dismal. She had come into foster care at age 7 due to extreme abuse and neglect – trauma that resulted in loneliness, depression, and negative behavior.  At age 12, she had said goodbye to her mother and siblings – as well as five different foster families.  She was failing school, and her future looked bleak.

Within weeks, Dierra’s Extreme Recruiter found 76 lost relatives and introduced her to some of them.  Most of her relatives either did not know about Dierra’s situation or they did not know how to go about connecting with her. Extreme Recruitment worked one-on-one with identified relatives and helped them understand the patience and commitment it would take to raise Dierra.  Just one month after moving in with cousins, Dierra made a huge turnaround; her grades not only improved but she was also completing more challenging academic work. In her words, “Now that I’m with my family I feel normal – I’m not some foster kid anymore, I’m their kid!”  Dierra is still healing from past abuse but she now has a permanent family to help her.

Last year, David celebrated his 10th birthday in a foster home. In care since he was a baby, David no longer bothered making a birthday wish for a family to call his own. 

What a difference a year makes! David’s case was chosen to be part of the Coalition’s groundbreaking adoption program, in which the Coalition partners with other agencies to find permanent homes for children. In just 20 weeks, David’s team located more than 140 of David’s family members. Finding a home for David within this network began. His team realized that most of these family members didn’t know he existed. Although most wanted to help, one person in particular was ready to give David a home – his grandmother, Sylvia. As soon as Sylvia found out about David, she moved from Florida to begin the adoption process. David’s life improved when he found out he had so many people who cared for him. He was happier and began doing better in school. David had always wanted to try sports, but didn’t have the resources to do so. One of his newfound family members is a Little League coach, and David’s planning to join the team this spring! 

David recently turned 11. For the first time, his family surrounded him as he blew out candles and made a wish – that had already come true. He has a family to call his own, and, in his grandmother’s words, “He’s our missing link.”